Toby Wilkins

Book Notes – Mindwise, How We Understand What Others Think, Believe, Feel, and Want


  • We humans already have an amazing ability to think through the minds of other people. However, it can often deceive us. Minds are inferred, rather than observed.
  • People really want to be liked by others. Were reasonably good at knowing what a person thinks of us, but rubbish at guessing individuals in a group that do.
  • People often imagine how they would behave or perceive something very differently to what they do in a given moment.
  • We humans are great at understanding finished products, but are rubbish at understanding the underlying thoughts and processes our brain goes through to create them. There subconscious and automatic.
    • We should be sceptical of where our thoughts and conclusions come from, and if they came from the right thinking.
    • Were not very good at introspection. Introspection conclusions is basically just guesswork. We give ourselves an illusion that we think we do.
  • The illusions that we give ourselves, often result in thinking that you are right, or better, than another person. ‘I’m right, and your wrong’.
  • Failing to think from the perspective of another person, can lead to dehumanising others. Thinking they are lesser than yourself. Its easy to forget other people have minds.
  • Your six sense to think through the eyes of another person can be powerful. But, you have to consciously think to engage it.
  • You think and feel what your body shows. Stand up tall for [[Confidence]] and smile for [[Happiness]].
  • In war, you need to dehumanise your enemy. Similarly, we dehumanise terrorists. The truth is, they are human. They have very real reasons to enter into conflict themselves.
  • To create [[Happiness]], talk and engage with the people around you. For example, with your [[Neighbours]], in Taxi’s and on [[Train]] [[Commuting]].
  • We have a habit of humanising things that are not human. We are more likely to do this, when things are unpredictable. It’s out way of trying to understand the unknown.
  • Pretending to be something your not, can help you succeed. #Success
  • People are more concerned about themselves, than they are about you. In your head, you emphasise how important you are. In reality, no one really cares. You over estimate your own importants. #Worry #Confidence
  • The way you look at and perceive something, may not be the same as other people. We all have our own lenses, and biases that dictates our interpretation. Given this, you shouldn’t judge people until you have worked to understand.
  • People have a tendency to over exaggerate the differences between us and other groups. However, in reality we will be surprised at how similar we all are.
  • When people are unsure, they look to other people and copy them.
  • Emotion is mostly carried on a persons voice. It surprising how little of it is visual. #[[Remote Working]] #Empathy
  • Being able to imagine the perspectives of another person is one of man kinds most amazing abilities. However, we can often get it wrong. We are overconfident in our abilities. The best way to get it right, is to communicate, talk and ask. #Communication #Empathy
  • To make sure someone properly understands your thinking, you have to be painfully clear. #Communication
  • Re-iterating someone else’s point to there satisfaction, makes sure that you to properly understood them. It also makes them feel heard. #Communication #Empathy